Thursday, June 16, 2011


I was reading in bed last night (the dog woke me up at 3:30 and I could not get back to sleep, when I came across a passage that rocked me.

"Sam noted that she had only told Georgette the same things she'd told Annie -- that she was smart and strong and could do anything she wanted to do. That she was beautiful and lovable and someday she'd find the right someone to love her as she deserved" - The Four Corners of the Sky, p 101.

I wondered, what would my life be like now if anyone had ever told me that? Would I be confident, successful, popular, loved? I have sort of a vague idea that parents are "supposed to" support their children, but never had any idea how that actually would get applied. I guess now I have an inkling, and I feel cheated.

I've heard the phrase 'it's never too late to have a happy childhood' bandied about, but I can't see it. The concept / idea / expectation that there is someone to depend on, to encourage, support or comfort me no matter what or when is completely absent.

Do I know how to proceed? No. The most appealing option is to sharpen the resentment to a fine point, but that will only cut me. Try to go back and ask for a frame of love and affection? Too little too late. I suspect only French Vanilla ice cream has the answer, for now.

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