Yesterday was a pretty good day. After 6 weeks, I am finally getting some distance from my grief of losing Mr. Fixit. I don't want to forget the fun times and the happy feelings that we had, but I am tired of feeling sad. I don't think that being sad doesn't have a place, but I am just exhausted from it. I can't always make everything right all the time just through force of will.
I have been feeling like seeing friends and going to activities again (finally), which my therapist tells me is a good sign. I like the feeling that I want to see people and do things, instead of feeling adverse to them or resentful that I have to do things in order to push through my sadness. I went to knitting night last night at Knit & Stitch where Other Lisa and I started our sock class. I also got some good knitting in on the blue scarf. The end is in sight.
Yoga class was after that, and I had a really good time. Part of me is sad / guilty that I am not able to go to yoga 4 or 5 times a week anymore, and part of me is forgiving and happy just to make it on Wednesdays. All I can do is all I can do and there is no point in making myself upset about it. We did a couple poses that were really relaxing to me for the first time. I don't know if I came into them differently, or if I had some amazing release, but it was sure nice to just feel comfortable in the stretch and not worried that I was going to fall.
I finished off the night huddled in two shirts and under a blanket and 3 cats, trying to keep warm and watched "House, MD" late into the night. Or early into the morning, depending. It got to be wayyyy past bedtime and I was just really, really awake. I don't know if it was extra energy from the backbends we did in yoga, or something else, but I was tempted to just stay up the entire night and knit and do laundry. I am on Season 2 of "House" and they seem to have softened Hugh Laurie's character quite a bit. I hope it does not last - I like him sarcastic and cranky. Reminds me of me.
Tonight is a night at home, with no errands to do or activities to host or attend. I am planning on some cooking, some chores, some laundry, and watching "Cannonball Run".
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