Thursday, January 13, 2011


I have felt this creeping up for a while, but couldn't figure out how to counteract it. Yesterday things came to a head and this morning I got to have a little "sit down" with my manager. Yes, snarky, snippy me is appearing more and more, upsetting my work group. A little hard to hear, but good to get feedback and advice and a push back in the right direction while it is a little problem.

She is right - I have a nice life. I have a great job with people I enjoy being around, I have a home and a car and family and pets. I have friends, interests, money and my health. I have talents and wit and cheer. So why do I sit at my desk and stress out? Not every thing has to be micromanaged (and certainly not by me) every minute of every day. When I started there I was the calm, relaxed, confident and easygoing me that I discovered while I was out of work for over a year. Now, somehow, being at work has made me more neurotic, more possessive and less trusting. I need to let go again.

I like that happy person that I found inside me. I liked the quiet confidence and the knowledge that my manner was charming in its own way. I am going to regain the path of mindfulness, of thankfulness, of seeing the big picture and working for the greater good. The phrase "but... what if ???" is going to be banished from my thoughts and vocabulary.

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